Me

Do you see me?
I don't think so.
No mater what i wear, how i do my hair, or what my body language says.
you can't see me
as i was falling for you, you were looking at her
so now here i am, no longer smiling on the sofa, or finding myself giggling.
instead i find myself thinking of you and walking past the door wishing you would knock, and planning stupid ways to make my way to you.
i shoulda known better.

happy

Do you ever just sit on your sofa and catch yourself smiling for no reason? I just did.
Do you ever smile at just the mention of someones name?
I did 10 min ago.
Do you ever just thank God for all that you've got? For letting you have the things you do and not giving you as many hard times as you could?
I will tonight before i climb in to my bed.

apples part 2

I've had this for a while but i kinda stopped using it for a while. Pretty much im going to write something right now that only jill will understand so i hope she reads it. I've been thinking about looking in to this new kind of apple and tonight i did. i looked in to its history and learned about about it. now dont get me wrong im did not buy the apple or try it out, but im starting to think it is a great option that is really realistic.

Time

So it's not that i have forgotten about this blog thing but i just have been running low on time. time for everything i have all these papers that need to be written but i have no time. sometimes i feel like the white rabbit in wonderland

I am Jill

I dont want to be that girl. the girl that can't let go, the girl that falls back on what she knew. i want to be the girl that can move on and live life and never think about opportunities that she missed or regrets that she might have. Even better, I want to be the girl who has not regrets because she lived life just how she wanted to, the girl that took chances and experienced every thing she wanted to. But the truth is i'm not that girl. I messed up a few times and i sat down when i really wanted to stand, shut up when all i wanted to do was scream, and i shut my eyes when the world was too much to see.
Anyway, i cant change who i am, and i am flawed. I'm not hardcore, and i get hurt. I will move on when i want, but for now i dont really know if want to. I think too much, and over analyze. I hurt people i dont want to, but i always kick myself for it later. I'm weird, and sometimes your glairs hurt me. I'm in college, but i dont sleep around or do drugs. I'm 19 years old but still looking for a fairy tale.
I'm Jill and over all im happy about me, i just dont want to hurt anyone.

America's biggest fear

people say that the biggest fear in an Americans life is public speaking. today i did a presentation in front of a lecture hall full of people. I was so scared and i had to wear a microphone and everything. i mean yeah i did it and i fell good about it. but for the 4 min that we were up there wow i was freaking out. i feel so good about it being done and everything.

out of the box

sometimes you suprise even yourself.today i was outside my box and when i got back in a relized sometimes (even on the rainiest of days) things do work out. and sometimes if you put yourself out there, you might just end up happy.for now thats what i am. im happy in my bow but i am glad i now know that im ok if i step out ever once in awhile.