today i was supposed to take part in a mock school shooting. instead i left. i could not do it. i was assigned a part where i was shoot and i had an entrance and exit wound. i was going to die and something about it all was too much for me and i got light headed -- i was going to pass out so i had to go home. i still feel like something is wrong. it was too real and i was not ready for it at all. the idea of dying in a school highway all alone. and having a gun pointed to me. i couldn't do it. i just felt really alone and well i needed someone with me.
I'm glad i didn't do it but.... i feel like i was weak.... yeah i know it's dumb.
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