her

everyone understands how she is feeling but it seems like no one is taking the time to wonder about me. does no one understand that maybe, just maybe, like her, I got my feelings hurt too? we are great friends and i just want EVERYTHING to go right back to how it was. I'm not a bitch i am just a nice girl who made a mistake and is beating herself up about it.

great

if the past makes you who you are then how do i forget about it??

i have a thing for doing stupid things on new years. this one has left me thinking.... for just a split second i would have sworn there was something there... if not our eyes wouldn't have locked like that. but now it is back to life as normal for you and I'm stuck in my thoughts. you said it is in the past but i cant stop thinking I know you will choose her and to be honest i don't even know if i want you, but if we are not going to try the why did you kiss me? after all we have been through, that's not fair. I was happy how things were until you changed the rules of the game, now i just don't know. you stirred up my emotions, the ones i thought were gone. So when you do choose to go to her, please don't forget that in the beginning it is going to hurt me. please know that you got me confused in a world i thought i understood. but things will be ok... give me time and I'll heal. please don't push me away, i didn't do anything wrong.

stressed and confused

School is kicking my butt, I have this physics class and it's not that the material is hard but it is just so much work. I think that my teacher doesn't understand that we do have other classes that require us to do other assignments. Physics is not going to help me in my future and I am not going to let my more important classes suffer due to one that I could care less about.
On the other hand while I'm soooo stressed about classes I'm tangled in a web about my own feelings and this stupid boy. I wish people were straight forward about things like "hey lets go on a lunch date" not "hey lets go out to lunch". I'm stuck in the latter situation and it's tough because I have no idea how this guy is feeling. Well, that's a lie, I have an idea but I feel like i am wrong. such mixed signals, how does a guy expect a girl to know what to do. Little did i know a few years ago that at the age of 21 I would be so confused about a boy. jeez!

I think the real problem here is that I am really a relationship girl living in a time of hook ups and one night stands. it's like everyone in college has quit looking for something real and only looks for something drunk and easy. even when I'm drunk I'm not easy so that leave me alone and upset.

still here

it has been quite a while since i have been on here. I want to make it a point to start doing this again. I have a lot of things going on now, but this blog thing lets me have a place to vent or think through my own shit. I have changed a ton since this blog was started but I am proud to say that I am still the same person that I want to and need to be.
Tonight I met a few people, all of whom were very different then me, but were raised the same ways. It was like i knew that they were people that maybe i could have been if i would have made a few different choices. but the thing is if i could go back and change anything I don't think I would. every choice, every success, every mistake, has made me in to me and i couldn't be happier.

wishes

believe

I wish I believed him when he said that he loves her. It would be easier for me if he was happy, but seeing him down like he gets around her... well that makes things hard.

it's like this is a trap that i set up for myself and now I'm stuck in it

Happy

" I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. "

I want people to be Happy, but I also know now that sometimes.... just sometimes.... I get to be number one. I tried to be nice and make someone else happy last time, but she was still angry... so this time around I'm not even trying... This one is for me