finished.

4 days

it's been 4 days since i have heard from you.
even more since i have seen you.
i know i was feeling something
now it feels like withdraw.
i heard that i might be going back
things like that are fuel to my fire.
i need to know that you are ok,
even if you dont care, i still do.

Make it work

i can't figure out how i could make it work between us,
but i also can't stop thinking there must be a way
don't you even dare thinking that i have forgotten you

far away from home

i was far away from home
but now i am far away from you
I miss you
but i know it would never be
no one understands
the little bit that i feel missing
but with you there was something
something new
something i will not know because
i had only a short while
just keep in touch and know that i miss you

I should tell you

This is the time of our lives. we should learn to enjoy it. if times get hard, work to make it better. If you can't make it better, try to find something that is well make you feel better. words of a refrigerator or old cartoons on Boomerang. anything to make you smile, find it and hold on.

Mr. Lackey

sometimes i wonder if i should send Mr. Lackey a thank you letter explaining how no matter how much i hated his class in high school it prepared me so much. on tuesday i actually explained a concept to my friend in the class by using a little saying that Lackey always used.
(hodhi-hidho)/(hoho)
sure at the time we all laughed at him for teaching this to us but i can't believe i remembered it and used it.
so..... thanks Lackey

why?

why do we pretend things are perfectly fine when they are not? why do we think we cant tell people that we like them? i have found that things are better when you talk about them, so why do i always feel guilty about talking or "ranting"? when you know you have a short time to do something why do you always sit on you butt till it is too late? why, when your music is on suffle, does a song that expresses just how you feel always come on?

realistic?

so i know i said i was done chasing you, and i do want to be, however i still can't help but smile when you walk past and say hi or ask about my day. I still can't stop wondering if you will be hanging out with us when we all go out. I don't know what it means but i think being done chasing you is not realistic, because i can't help how i react when you are around. so instead i'm done talking about chasing you (or atleast i'll try), at least until i get the guts to ask you to go do something.

tired

im tired of trying, so this is it im quitting. i waited and didn't get any feed back so i think i have to stop chasing you

here's the deal

here's the deal, i need you to give me some kind of signal. i'm not the kind of girl that can ask you to go do something unless i know that you will say yes. So, yeah i do think that i can make the 1st move but i need some kind of signal that it will work out, because as we all know sometimes things just don't work out.

let's hang out sometime

why is it so hard for me to get the guts to say one little sentence? "so i was thinking we could hang out sometime, maybe friday we could (then i would insert a social activity here)"
is that really hard? i can say it to so many people but not him.

just some guy

I tell myself it's nothing,
let it go,
he's just some guy
I don't know enough about you to have these feeling
but there is something that is intriguing
something that makes me sound stupid when i speak to you,
it makes me blush when you say hi,
and makes me wonder about what you might be thinking

no one

no one reads this
if you do please speak up
just so i know you are there

dont get me wrong i will not be leaving if no one comments but it would be nice to know who is reading it.

understand

I may never understand you
you may never understand me
but I am willing to try
I may not like you music
but I will listen
You may not know why
but let me cry
let's work this out
let's see if this can work
if it does it will be amazing

plants

kris and I bought plants for $1 and they will not grow... it is making me very sad.

Me

Do you see me?
I don't think so.
No mater what i wear, how i do my hair, or what my body language says.
you can't see me
as i was falling for you, you were looking at her
so now here i am, no longer smiling on the sofa, or finding myself giggling.
instead i find myself thinking of you and walking past the door wishing you would knock, and planning stupid ways to make my way to you.
i shoulda known better.

happy

Do you ever just sit on your sofa and catch yourself smiling for no reason? I just did.
Do you ever smile at just the mention of someones name?
I did 10 min ago.
Do you ever just thank God for all that you've got? For letting you have the things you do and not giving you as many hard times as you could?
I will tonight before i climb in to my bed.

apples part 2

I've had this for a while but i kinda stopped using it for a while. Pretty much im going to write something right now that only jill will understand so i hope she reads it. I've been thinking about looking in to this new kind of apple and tonight i did. i looked in to its history and learned about about it. now dont get me wrong im did not buy the apple or try it out, but im starting to think it is a great option that is really realistic.

Time

So it's not that i have forgotten about this blog thing but i just have been running low on time. time for everything i have all these papers that need to be written but i have no time. sometimes i feel like the white rabbit in wonderland

I am Jill

I dont want to be that girl. the girl that can't let go, the girl that falls back on what she knew. i want to be the girl that can move on and live life and never think about opportunities that she missed or regrets that she might have. Even better, I want to be the girl who has not regrets because she lived life just how she wanted to, the girl that took chances and experienced every thing she wanted to. But the truth is i'm not that girl. I messed up a few times and i sat down when i really wanted to stand, shut up when all i wanted to do was scream, and i shut my eyes when the world was too much to see.
Anyway, i cant change who i am, and i am flawed. I'm not hardcore, and i get hurt. I will move on when i want, but for now i dont really know if want to. I think too much, and over analyze. I hurt people i dont want to, but i always kick myself for it later. I'm weird, and sometimes your glairs hurt me. I'm in college, but i dont sleep around or do drugs. I'm 19 years old but still looking for a fairy tale.
I'm Jill and over all im happy about me, i just dont want to hurt anyone.

America's biggest fear

people say that the biggest fear in an Americans life is public speaking. today i did a presentation in front of a lecture hall full of people. I was so scared and i had to wear a microphone and everything. i mean yeah i did it and i fell good about it. but for the 4 min that we were up there wow i was freaking out. i feel so good about it being done and everything.

out of the box

sometimes you suprise even yourself.today i was outside my box and when i got back in a relized sometimes (even on the rainiest of days) things do work out. and sometimes if you put yourself out there, you might just end up happy.for now thats what i am. im happy in my bow but i am glad i now know that im ok if i step out ever once in awhile.

new year, new quarter

i know im a little late but happy new year! hope you all had fun but didnt do anything way dumb. did anyone make resolutions? i dont make them... i think of things i would like to get done but i wouldnt call them resolutions. i think resolutions are just a way of disapointing yourself at the end of the year.
this quarter should be good. but some of the same problems from last year carried over, its ok kristyn and i are going to try and work on it. other then that i think everything will be just fine.