stressed and confused

School is kicking my butt, I have this physics class and it's not that the material is hard but it is just so much work. I think that my teacher doesn't understand that we do have other classes that require us to do other assignments. Physics is not going to help me in my future and I am not going to let my more important classes suffer due to one that I could care less about.
On the other hand while I'm soooo stressed about classes I'm tangled in a web about my own feelings and this stupid boy. I wish people were straight forward about things like "hey lets go on a lunch date" not "hey lets go out to lunch". I'm stuck in the latter situation and it's tough because I have no idea how this guy is feeling. Well, that's a lie, I have an idea but I feel like i am wrong. such mixed signals, how does a guy expect a girl to know what to do. Little did i know a few years ago that at the age of 21 I would be so confused about a boy. jeez!

I think the real problem here is that I am really a relationship girl living in a time of hook ups and one night stands. it's like everyone in college has quit looking for something real and only looks for something drunk and easy. even when I'm drunk I'm not easy so that leave me alone and upset.

still here

it has been quite a while since i have been on here. I want to make it a point to start doing this again. I have a lot of things going on now, but this blog thing lets me have a place to vent or think through my own shit. I have changed a ton since this blog was started but I am proud to say that I am still the same person that I want to and need to be.
Tonight I met a few people, all of whom were very different then me, but were raised the same ways. It was like i knew that they were people that maybe i could have been if i would have made a few different choices. but the thing is if i could go back and change anything I don't think I would. every choice, every success, every mistake, has made me in to me and i couldn't be happier.

wishes

believe

I wish I believed him when he said that he loves her. It would be easier for me if he was happy, but seeing him down like he gets around her... well that makes things hard.

it's like this is a trap that i set up for myself and now I'm stuck in it

Happy

" I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. "

I want people to be Happy, but I also know now that sometimes.... just sometimes.... I get to be number one. I tried to be nice and make someone else happy last time, but she was still angry... so this time around I'm not even trying... This one is for me

trying to work and go to school

I'm currently looking for a job, but there are basically none out there... at least none that will hire a college kid with classes to work around. It sucks because most of my classes are right in the middle of the afternoon so it is really tough to work around, and I understand that. It just stresses me out because all my friends are paying for things on their own and doing things to live on their own, but I'm still living mostly off of my parents.... is that wrong?

school

Currently I'm going to college and the closer my friends and I get to being finished the more the idea of being finished scares me to death. I can't even explain everything that I thought I would have done by graduation and now I'm realizing that those things are not happening. I plan on going away for 2 weeks on a vollenteer trip abrod. but that cant happen until i get $$ (like a lot, around 3000). I also thought that college was the time to meet the boy of my dreams, but as of now he is still just a figment of my dreams, no where to be found in this real world. I still want to internship (not likely in this economy). But even with all those things that I didn't get done yet, college has tought me a ton.... and not all academic (no, I learned about life, and who I am as a person).

Blog?

So a few years ago I started this thing, back then some of my friends actually read it and I wrote in it all the time... Now I stop in every once in a while just to update or read old posts, but I hope to start using this again. I figure since no one I know reads it I can just spill my guts and if the general public reads it I don't really care cause I don't know them.
Life right now is getting back on track, for a few weeks back around new years I felt like I had lost myself, but I found me again. And I think I found a me that is a little more sure of me.
There is this new show on MTV (lame I know) about making a list of things to do before you die... I thought about making a list but I really don't know what I would put on it... then I was talking to a friend of mine and decided that I had already done some of the things on my list (if that is I had a list), maybe the idea is that you don't need a list to tell you what to experience but instead you should just experience life as it comes to you. Take the opportunities that you have the chance to take (if you feel like it is the right choice for you).
Then another friend told me If you live life with no regrets then you are not living life.... I thought about that and I don't k now but I think that is very subjective, I can live life make a mistake but not regret the mistake that I made. I might feel bad about myself or the choice i made but at the same time I don't think regretting is good for you. Whats done is done, If you are not proud then don't do it again but you cant take it back, it is part of you now.